"I Wonder if Mom Hears My Heart?"
October 5
Today my life began. My parents do not know it yet. I am as small as a seed of
an apple, but it is I already. And I am to be a girl. I shall have blond hair
and azure blue eyes. Just about everything is settled though. Even the fact
that I shall love flowers.
October 19
I have grown a little, but I am still too samll to do anything by myself. My
mother does just about everything for me. And what is odd she still doesn't
even know that she is carrying me here under her heart, and that she is
helping me already, that she is even feeding me with her blood. She is so
good. Some say that I am not a real person yet, that only my mother exists.
But I am a real person, just as a small crumb of bread is yet truly bread. My
mother is. And I am.
October 23
My mouth is just beginning to open now. Just think, in a year or so I shall be
laughing, and later talking. I know that my first word shall be...Mama.
October 28 My heart began to beat today all by itself. From now on it shall
gently beat for the rest of my life, without ever stopping to rest. And after
many years it will tire, it will stop and I shall die.
November 2
I am growing a bit every day. My arms and legs are beginning to take shape.
But I have to wait a long time yet before those little legs will raise me to
my mother's arms, before those little arms will be able to gather flowers and
embrace my father.
November 12
Tiny fingers are beginning to form on my hands. Funny how small they are. I
shall be able to stroke my mother's hair with them. And I shall take her hair
to my mouth and she will probably say, "Oh, nasty."
November 20
It wasn't until today that the doctor told Mom that I am living here under her
heart. Oh, how happy she must be. Are you happy, Mom?
November 25
My Mom and Dad are probably thinking about a name for me. But they don't even
know that I am a little girl. They are probably saying Andy. But I want to be
called Cathy. I am getting so big now.
December 10
My hair is growing. It is smooth and bright and shiny. I wonder what kind of
hair Mom has?
December 13
I am just about able to see. It is dark around me. When Mom brings me into the
world, it will be full of sunshine and flowers. I have never seen a flower,
you know. But what I want more than anything is to see my Mom. How do you look
Mom?
December 24
I wonder if Mom hears the whispering beat of my heart? Some children come into
the world a little sick. And then the delicate hands of the doctor perform
miracles to bring them to health. But my heart is strong and healthy. It beats
so evenly tup-tup-tup- You'll have a helathy little daughter, Mom.
December 28
...TODAY MY MOTHER KILLED ME ...
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