My Diary

     October 2: Today my life began.  My parents do not
know it yet.  I am as small as the pollen of a flower,
but it is I already.  I will be a girl.  I will have
blonde hair and blue eyes.  Nearly everything is settled
already, even that I shall love birds.

     October 19: I have grown a little, but I am still
too small to do anything by myself.  My mother does everything
for me, although she still does not know that she is
carrying me under her heart.  But I am a real person
just as a crumb of bread is still real bread.  My mother
exists, and I do too.

     October 23: My mouth is just now beginning to open.
 Just think, in a year or so I'll be laughing, and later
I'll start to talk.  My first word will be "mama."

     October 25: Today my heart began to beat.  It will
beat softly for the rest of my life, never stopping.
 After many years it will tire and stop.  Then I shall
die.

     November 2: I am growing continually.  My arms and
legs are taking shape, but I must wait a long time before
these tiny legs will raise me to my mother's arms;  before
these little arms will be able to conquer the earth and
befriend people.

     November  12: Tiny fingers are beginning to form
on my hands.  How small they are.  One day I'll stroke
my mother's hair and tell her how nice she is.

     November  20: Only today the doctor told my mother
that I'm living here under her heart.  How happy she
must be!  Are you happy, mother?

     November  25: My mother and father are probably
thinking about a name for me.  And they don't even know
that I am a little girl, so they are probably calling
me "Andy."  But I want to be called Barbara.  I am growing
so big.

     December 10: My hair is growing.  It is as bright
and shiny as the sun.  I wonder what kind of hair my
mother has.

     December  13: My eyes are almost fully developed,
although the lids are still shut.  When mother brings
me into the world it will be full of sunshine and overflowing
with flowers.  I have never seen a flower, you know,
but more than anything I want to see my mother.  How
do you look, mother?

     December  24: My fingers and toes are fully formed.
 Even my nails are beginning to develop.

     December 26: I wonder if my mother hears the delicate
beat of my heart?  Some children are born with sickly
hearts, and then the gentle fingers of the doctor perform
miracles to make them healthy.  But my heart is healthy.
 It beats so evenly: tup-tup, tup-tup.  You shall have
a healthy daughter, mother.

     December 28: Today my mother killed me.




     God says, Lo children are an heritage of the Lord;
and the fruit of the womb is his reward. (Psalm 127:3)

     The Psalmist wrote, I will praise thee; for I am
fearfully and wonderfully made.  Marvelous are thy works,
and that my soul knoweth right well.  My substance was
not hid from thee when I was made in secret and curiously
wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.  Thine eyes
did see my substance, yet being unperfect; and in thy
book all my members were written, which in continuance
were fashioned, when as yet there was none of them. (Psalm
139: 14-16)

     Isaiah said, That Lord hath called me from the womb;
from the bowels of my mother hath he made mention of
my name . . . And, now, saith the Lord that formed me
from the womb to be his servant . . . (Isaiah 49: 1,5)

     God said about Jeremiah, Before I formed thee in
the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out
of the womb I sanctified thee. (Jeremiah 1:5)

     God says,  Be sure your sin will find you out.
(Numbers 32:23)

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