| | I'M GAY ... OK?
by Martin Bennett
. Some have dived head first into the whole gay scene,
apparently without hesitation. Others have been tugged in over a
period of time, and then some are still "holding out." Even the
church can't deny that many within it are having tremendous
struggles with homosexuality. Growing masses of gays are
parading down the streets with banners, pursuing a new found
freedom to do what they want. But the real things so many seek
after - friendship, acceptance, and love - elude them, remaining
just outside their reach.
. A man who at one time had given himself over to seeking
pleasure spoke the truth when he said that "Even in laughter the
heart may be in pain, and the end of joy may be grief." (Proverbs
14:13)
It's Not Good To BE Alone
. The good memories of our lives usually aren't made of the
things we got or even what we did. It's who we were with that
makes our memories special to us. Good relationships. Unless
we've been deeply wounded, we want to be friends with others and
enjoy the company of another person who really cares for us. The
problem is, whenever you're in a relationship that can bring good
things, hurts and disappointments can come just as easily. We
end up relating to those with whom we feel comfortable and
accepted.
. Deep inside of everyone (straights included) there is a
yearning for something meaningful and real in relationships.
But, by the admission of those who have been there, the gay
lifestyle delivers a drop of pleasure and a gallon of loneliness
and pain.
What is Homosexuality?
. Before we go any further, we need to define what
homosexuality is, and isn't. It isn't just a strong attraction
for those of the same sex. Someone who is tempted to steal
something isn't a thief until he actually gives in to his desire,
and someone who's been hurt by another may feel like hating that
person - but it's when he gives himself over to this desire that
he's stepped over the line. That means giving your mind over in
pursuing lustful thoughts (maybe through pornography), or giving
your body over to pursue these desires. Just having some kind of
homosexual encounter in your past doesn't necessarily mean that
you're "gay".
. A homosexual is a person who not only has a strong
attraction for the same sex, but has also made the decision to
yield to these desires. The gay mentality or lifestyle aren't
things you just "stumble" into - you walk into them step by step.
Where Did It Start?
. Maybe you always felt that you were just "different" - you
know, you didn't quite seem to fit the image of what most people
thought was a "real man" or a "real woman." No, you didn't seem
to have much in common with the deep-voiced hero who always saved
the day, and playing baseball wasn't any fun to you. Or as a
girl you just "couldn't relate to men." Or maybe the first
person who ever showed you any attention and kindness made it
easy for you to start thinking that you "must be gay."
. Maybe you grew up in a place where homosexuality was just a
normal part of life. Maybe you were hurt so badly by a certain
person that you pulled away from them, and others of the same
sex, to keep from being hurt like that again. But in your heart
you know that anyone you become close to has the ability to hurt
you, gay or straight. Maybe you feel like you were just born the
way you now are. However you got to where you're at, if there's
any sense that something's "just not right" about how things are
right now, the most important thing is "Now what?" Well, let's
start at the beginning ....
Why Did God Make Us?
. If you're turned off to God right now, please give Him a
chance to explain Himself. Just as you may be misunderstood
sometimes, God has really been misunderstood. The One who
designed you and knows everything about you is the same One who
cares about you more then you even care for yourself.
. God has given us life. After He made man and woman, He said
that what He had done was good. The heart of God is to give to
others and make them happy. His hopes were that they would enjoy
His world and enjoy His presence. He didn't expect that the
people He had loved and given to would want to shut Him out of
their lives. Even though He made the whole world and has
continued to be good to all of us, for the most part we don't
want Him to have anything to do with our lives. Remember this
the next time you feel hurt and rejected, because Jesus has been
hurt and rejected in a much greater way. Still, His only desire
is that perhaps once again people will enjoy His world and His
presence in their lives.
The Manufacturer's Manual
. So what's wrong with being gay, anyway? It's my sexual
preference. What difference does it make? Didn't God make us
the way we are?" So many have struggled with homosexual desires
that there's a growing confusion as to whether or not it's wrong,
and whether a person can really be free from it all.
. There are a lot of "experts" who seem to come up with a new
"answer" every day, but in order to get the unchanging truth, we
need to look into the Manufacturer's Manual - the Bible. God has
made each one of us in a special way, "custom designed" really.
In fact, He holds the only patent on the human race. So if
anyone knows how we're supposed to work the best ... He does!
And to show us the right way to live, He has given us the Bible -
the most printed and read book in the world. God wants us to be
filled with real happiness, and through the Bible He shows us the
way to life, and the way to death.
The Law: For Us Or Against Us?
. To keep us from destroying ourselves and each other, the
Lord set up certain laws. It's because He really cares about us
that He did this. Have you ever been at someone's house where
the kids were running all over the place, yelling, fighting,
covered in dirt - and the parents just stared at the T.V.?
That's not love, is it? Besides making everyone else miserable,
the children themselves are suffering. We have laws about
speeding and drunk driving, too, to protect us, and we know
they're for our own good.
. So God isn't some kind of kill-joy trying to prevent anyone
from having any fun, rather, His laws are to enable us to get the
maximum out of life. His rules aren't a bunch of arbitrary "does
and don'ts" either. They all make total sense when you stand
back and take a look at the whole picture.
. Just about everyone recognizes the fact that murder is
wrong. We don't think it's wrong because there's a law against
it, rather, we made laws because it was wrong. If you said,
"Hey, I don't like this law of gravity. It's too confining. I
want to be free..." and proceeded to step out of a 10th. floor
window-you'd end up destroying yourself (and maybe someone else
too!).
. The law of gravity only recognizes reality. In the same
way, the laws of principles that God has given us in the Bible
only show us the way things really are.
. We've been carefully designed, body, mind, and soul, for a
specific purpose, and have a responsibility to use our lives in a
right way. You know what happens to the tip of a pocket knife
when you try to use it for a screwdriver or a pry bar ... the tip
breaks off. That's because it wasn't designed for that purpose.
It's the same way with our lives.
. It's when we misuse our lives for selfish reasons that
everything is knocked out of kilter. God loves each person, but
hates selfishness because He sees how it destroys us, our
relationships, and others. So God won't allow selfishness to
spread easily. Why? Because He loves us enough to keep us from
destroying ourselves.
Don't Be Fooled
. The Lord makes it clear that He never intended men and women
to be gay, and He also makes it clear that those who practice
these things cannot be at peace with Him or even at peace with
themselves. He told us a long time ago, "Don't fool yourselves.
Those who live immoral lives, who are idol worshippers,
adulterers, or homosexuals - will have no share in His kingdom."
(1 Cor. 6:9-10 LB) And again He warns us, "The penalty for
homosexual acts is death to both parties." (Lev.20:13 LB) Because
of God's heart towards us, He has given us these warnings for our
own good.
. Jesus said that He came to bring us life. Remember, He's
the One who designed you. He promises us that if we walk with
Him, following His good directions and commands, we'll have real
happiness and there will be peace in our hearts. But He also
promises that if wee think we know better, and push away from Him
to follow our selfishness, the exact opposite will happen to us.
The tremendous spread of disease among gays and immoral straights
would not exist if we listened to the instructions of God, which
are for our own protection, good and happiness.
Turning From God
. Here's how the Scriptures say people end up far away from
God - "Yes, they knew about Him all right, but they wouldn't
admit it or worship Him or even thank Him for all His daily care.
And after awhile they began to think up silly ideas of what God
was like and what He wanted them to do. The result was that
their foolish minds became dark and confused." (Rom. 1:21 LB)
. This is what happens: 1) At some point in our life we know
about God and know He's real. 2) We don't agree with Him and so
we're ungrateful. Instead of thanks, we complain about this and
that. 3) We start looking for excuses and false reasons; we
speculate, hoping to justify our selfish desires. 4) Wandering
away from the truth that we once knew, we walk into darkness and
error.
. Then God says that "They exchanged the truth of God for a
lie, and worshipped and served the creature rather than the
Creator." (Rom. 1:25) Of course, this applies to all people that
have turned form God, but if you've been around the gay scene in
any way, you know that men and women end up worshipping and
serving their bodies. A cruising homosexual in the Tenderloin of
San Francisco said, "The trading of bodies in a gay bar is the
most insensitive thing on earth. It is degrading and repulsive,
because most gay bars are now just information whorehouses,
dispensing gossip, pamphlets, and raising money for political
causes." (Two of Me, by David Wilkerson, p.7.)
God Gives Up
. What would you do if you were in the Lord's position? He
wants the best for us, but we just won't listen. When people get
to the point that they don't care at all about what's right or
true anymore because they've traded the truth for a lie, God
throws His hands up in the air and says, "O.K., go ahead and do
what you want." "For this reason God gave them over to degrading
passions." (Rom 1:26) We crave and desire and pull so hard, like
a dog on a leash wanting to run in the street, that although it
breaks His heart to do so, the Lord finally cuts the leash and
lets us go where we want.
. This is the rest of the Scripture, "For this reason God gave
them over to degrading passions; for their women exchanged the
natural function for that which is unnatural, and in the same way
also the men abandoned the natural function of the woman and
burned in their desire towards one another, men with men
committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the
due penalty of their error." (Rom. 1:26-27) Please don't let
anyone tell you that the "natural function" of a homosexual is
for members of the same sex, and that it would be "unnatural" for
them to be heterosexual. (This is a common argument among some
groups.) There is no Scripture upholding gay sex, and the Lord
calls gayness itself error.
The Real Problem
. The real problem here is nothing new, and it's not unique to
people faced with homosexual desires. The problem is trying to
do what's right when you feel like doing something else.
Everyone struggles with desires and temptations for things that
aren't good. Even Jesus struggled with similar temptations. You
see, for the most part, desires by themselves aren't good or bad.
Even having strong temptations every day isn't evil (but it is
hard).
. A person with a weight problem may love hot fudge sundaes?
They may have loved them as far back as they can remember. Can
they just decide to hate hot fudge sundaes? Could you? Of
course not. But they can decide to yield to God and seek His
help to do what is right, despite the desires in the opposite
direction.
. On the other hand, somebody else might have a tremendous
desire to love and serve God with all of his heart - but he never
really gets around to doing anything pleasing to the Lord. Do
you think that God will say, "Oh well, at least he wished he was
doing right"? Can you imagine standing in front of a judge in
traffic court saying, "But your honor, I really wanted to stop at
that red light"? He's not going to care at all what you wanted
to do, what he wants to know is, what did you end up doing?
The Battleground
. The battle is not over your desires, but over your will.
The people that the Lord gave up to their selfish desires are not
people who couldn't do what was right, but people who wouldn't do
what was right. Jesus said, "And this is the judgement, that the
light is come into the world, and men loved the darkness rather
then the light; for their deeds were evil." (John 3:19) It's not
just a matter of liking the darkness. No, loving the darkness is
a intense clinging with no letting go.
. When we give in to the temptations of the enemy (yes, the
devil is very real), we can't blame God for making us that way.
The One who sees to the core of our hearts says that, "Each one
is tempted when he is carried away and enticed by his own lust."
(James 1:14) We're not dragged into rebellion by the way we grew
up either, although many times our childhood experiences make it
easier to rebel. But in the end, we make our own choices. We
decide to give in. We are enticed by our own lust.
. Whoever or whatever you yield yourself to is your god. If
what you "feel" like going determines what you do, then your
feeling are your god. If what you crave after overcomes your
will, then the appetite of your flesh is your god. AS a gay man
put it, "My desires took over my reasoning."
Guilt
. Some of us hate the word - "guilt." But guilt serves a very
good purpose. The very presence of guilt proves that we can do
what is right. If your boss gave you a shovel and told you to
fill in the Grand Canyon in one afternoon, you wouldn't feel
guilty for not doing it, would you? Of if your coach asked you
to jump a 50 foot wall, you wouldn't feel bad about not being
able to do it, because you know you couldn't.
. It's when we can do what's right and we don't do it that we
feel guilty. We feel that way because we know we should be doing
something else. God sends guilt to us as an alarm. Just like
the pain in a stubbed toe, the message being sent is, "Something
is wrong." When the red lights of your conscience go off telling
you "Danger! Danger!" and you keep pushing, slowly you lose your
feeling of guilt. The Bible says that in the last days many
people will be "seared in their own conscience as with a branding
iron." (1 Tim. 4:2) Just because you may not feel as guilty as
you used to is not a sigh that you're safe - far from it.
Can I Be Free?
. If you're wondering if God will fix up your life, the answer
is no, He Won't. He wants to give you a totally new life. Face
it - you can't change your desires, and without the power of the
Living God in your life, you can't even change your actions
because you're a slave to your appetites. Jesus said that "You
shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free." (John
8:32) But you can't be set free from the power of strong desires
and wrong actions until you first admit that you're a slave. You
must see that you've been wrong for giving in to these desires if
you're guilty of doing that.
. When you humble yourself before the Lord, admitting your
guilt and shame, giving the reins of your life completely over to
Him, then Jesus will come to you with loving forgiveness and
life-changing power. As you yield your will to Jesus, He will
lead you into the life of wholeness and peace that you've always
really desired. God is what has been missing in your life all
this time.
. The Lord moves in different ways in each persons life. Some
people are instantly delivered from the power of these desires
when they cry out to the Lord. Other are set free as they
continue to follow Jesus, making right choices, and allowing His
power to release them from years of wrong thought patterns and
actions.
. If you wonder if it's really possible, even the very first
Christians know the freedom that Jesus brought:
. "And you were dead in your trespasses and sins, in which you
formerly walked ... Among them we too all formerly lived in the
lusts of our flesh, indulging the desires of the flesh and of the
mind, and were by nature children of wrath, even as the rest.
But God being rich in mercy, because of His great love with which
He loved us, even when we were dead in our sins, made us alive
together with Christ." (Eph. 2:1-5)
. Jesus really does care for you and always has. He's not
only willing to take away all of your guilt and shame, but if you
will turn to Him with your heart, turning away from all you know
to be wrong, He will give you a new life. That means not just
turning from homosexuality, but from anything that holds you back
from giving everything to the Lord: drinking, anger, hate,
unforgiveness, love of money, lying ... all those things. It may
sound too simple, but the testimony of those who were once bound
by homosexuality can confirm that the Lord is telling the truth.
. "As I discovered the intense, intimate love of God for ME, I
was set free from that consuming drive which had held me a slave
to perversion." (The Man In The Mirror, by Sy Rogers)
. "I have truly come out now. I have come out from the hell I
was living. I have come out of the gay closet. And that's what
it was - a closet ... a dark, closed-in, cluttered, confusing
lifestyle - from which there is only one exit. That exit is
Jesus and He has set me free." (How I Came outt, by Mark
Pierpont)
. Does all this sound too foolish and too simple for such a
deep problem? Then you haven't seen the power of God. "For the
word of the cross is to those who are perishing foolishness, but
to us who are being saved it is the power of God ... the
foolishness of God is wiser than men, and the weakness of God is
stronger than men." (1 Cor.1:18,25)
. I'm not saying it's going to be easy. It will probably be a
battle all the way, but Jesus came to us and went through horror,
overcoming the enemy so that we could live life at peace with God
once again. Don't try to hide from Him. He can change your
heart and your life if you will only yield to Him. He really
cares about you, but if you continue to let yourself be dragged
around by your desires, you will destroy yourself in this life
and, in the end, you will stand before a God from whom you can
find no hiding place. There is still time, and still hope. It's
not too late for anyone who is really serious. Reach out to
Jesus ... He's waiting for you.
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